your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
