she was so not down for the gang bang
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
