this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
