I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
