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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
