Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
