dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
