Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
