Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
