apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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