new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
