youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
