my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
