I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
