Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm just crazy horny about you
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
