Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
