I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
