I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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