When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
