pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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