if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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