its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
