The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
