Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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