So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
