I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
