im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
