I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
