The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
two words...techno handjob
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
