wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
