Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
