I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize