Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's rum buckets o'clock
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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