I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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