TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
