Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
