This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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