I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she smelled like a LAN party
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
