I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
