and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
