How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
