I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
