Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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