We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
