They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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