I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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