It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
