Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I checked into jail on foursquare
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
