Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
