Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
