I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
