I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
this is an emotional support booty call
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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