Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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