Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
