o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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