The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
