I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
