Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
