I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
