My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
