her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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