she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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