Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
