Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
