I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
