Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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