I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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