I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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