im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
